Everyone has or has had a mother, even if the people involved had little to do with your delivery. So why do some women shrink, or even get angry with those who wish them a Happy Mothers’ Day? That’s because, as simple as it sounds, the definition of Mother is more complicated than one might think. And yet, for centuries, we in the U. S. have celebrated this mystery as Mother’s Day.
Let’s start with the simplest definition of a mother: A female adult who has given birth to a child or children.
At one time, the above was all the definition anyone needed. But not now. A few details will help shed light on what I mean: A female who has been impregnated by a male, who carries her developing baby/ies for approximately nine months in her womb, then delivers a male or female child or children who ideally breathe independently from the umbilical cord. She then proceeds to nurse the child or children and intensely care for him/her/them for about three to four months, at which point the child/ren begin/s to sleep through the night. Shortly thereafter, many babies start to cut teeth, pull up, crawl, and rudimentarily speak. Mothers are instrumental in encouraging the continued development of their child/children.
So many points of controversy fall in the above description! Here are a few:
- A female – There is no maturity factor indicated in this description. Alas, too many young teens are included in this description! Are they to be considered “mothers”? Maybe, especially with help. But many young teens are not ready to take on the demands of motherhood and choose to surrender their child/ren to adoption agencies. Sometimes this is a heartbreaking but loving sacrifice for these young girls! As to men being mothers, just no. A male who pretends to be a female is never, ever, a mother. Single parenting is a topic worth an article of its own.
- …who carries…approximately nine months – Millions of viable babies are murdered every day. Are women who abort their children to be considered “mothers”? (I’m giving this one a solid “No.”)
- She then begins to nurse…and care – Even if an unwed teenage girl carries her baby/ies the full term, is she allowed to nurse? Does she do what millions of women do today, which is immediately bottle feed the child/children? (Breastfeeding helps the babies receive essential nutrients and antibodies that fight off infection. It also helps with the bonding process between mother and child.) Even for moms who are simply unable to provide breast milk, the nursing process – at least the feeding process – is a form of caring for the baby. But caring extends far beyond simply giving the babies their bottles. Caring involves a commitment to protect, provide, encourage, and teach. Are women or girls who deliver live babies but voluntarily surrender them simply because they don’t want them considered “mothers”? (I’m leaving this one up to you for your comments.)
There are numerous other mysteries behind what makes a person a mother. Here are a few to consider:
- Adoptive Mothers. Adoption is a long, difficult process designed to weed out those who are not suitable for bringing up children who were born from another woman. In fact, it is almost impossible to disown an adopted child! Adoptive mothers provide the care and nurturing needs for children that have not been provided for by the birth mother. So is a woman who adopts a child or children, but has none of her own, called a “mother”? (I definitely think so!)
- Family Mothers. Many children who have lost their parents are brought up by family members, such as grandmothers, aunts, and cousins. These can be officially adoptive moms through kinship adoption. So yes, these are mothers! (Dads, you get featured on Father’s Day.)
- Female Teachers. Although the number of students a female teacher encounters through a limited number of hours a day for the most part prevents her from providing the same kind and amount of care and nurture as an adoptive mom, the good ones truly do function as a “mother-type.” Some students even call their teachers “Mom!” Yet, as good as a “Mom-teacher” is, she does not fulfill all the requirements of a “mother.” She does not provide the students with housing, sleeping arrangements, clothing, medical care, or nutrition beyond what is offered by the school or church. And in the case of public or state-sponsored schools, she is not allowed to provide spiritual guidance and direction, or even a hug. So as caring as female teachers can be, are they to be considered “mothers”? (I’m giving this one a “maybe” for the few “hero-Mom-teachers” out there who do actually provide quite a bit of the above.)
- Surrogate Mothers. Women who carry the fertilized seed for another woman for the full term of the pregnancy and then give birth are special women indeed! But are they mothers? No. Yes, they fulfill part of the short and sweet definition of “mother,” but they are actually carrying another person’sgrowing child and are not directly related to that child by any genetic means. And no, if the parents’ sister serves as the surrogate, she isn’t directly related to her niece or nephew.
But what if you have been wished a “Happy Mothers’ Day” but are neither a natural mom, a “Mom-teacher,” nor an adoptive mother? What about your feelings?
First, everyone has been born of a woman. So if you were raised by someone you dearly loved as your mom, but she is now in the Heavenly realm, you can simply say, “Thank you. Mom would love that!”
But even if she was a Jezebel, she still gave birth to you instead of murdering you in her womb. Or at least she didn’t kill you after a failed abortion attempt! So you can reply with a simple, “Thank you.”
There once was a tradition of wearing a red or pink rose if you were a mother and a white rose if your mother had passed. I think this is useful today! In social media, you can post an image of a red or pink rose if you’re a mom, and a white rose if your mom is no longer with you on Earth.
Whatever you decide to do with the mystery of Mothers’ Day in the 21st century, you can honor it as it was intended. And thank God for your blessings! OK? OK. Good!
