I was declared dead at the scene on March 16, 1974.
God, however, had other plans.
It had been raining, and my then husband’s car wasn’t working. Again. So I drove. We never got to his place of employment. I certainly didn’t get to mine.
James (my ex) was sitting in the front passenger seat scrummeling around my purse for some lunch money. We had been chatting, or more likely arguing. Again. Suddenly my attention was fully focused on the windshield, which was rapidly being filled with an oncoming car! I looked over at James and simply said, “Bye.” It was all the time I had.
I won’t share all the details, even if I could remember them. That includes the real name of the then 16-year-old who crashed into us. If I met him today, I’d never know it was him. So here, in this memoir, he will be referred to as Joe.
The wreck: what happened
“Joe” had been at an all-night rave. For some reason, he thought he might get home at 6:30 AM before his parents woke up. Really? This was a workday in an industrial area filled with modest middle-class homes. People in this locale made a habit of waking as early as 4:30 AM. But I was told that’s the reason for his high-speed velocity. The other reason, according to the police report, was because Joe was what we called in those days “drunk as a skunk!”
It was as if Joe were piloting a flying sports car! During his race home, he was confronted with a pickup truck driving the speed limit. Well, that was too slow for Joe! But to avoid crashing into the back of said truck, Joe slammed on his brakes. At that speed, this caused his vehicle to veer out of control and slide on the wet street into the median curb. The curb sent the sports car aloft. It was in the air when I focused on it and slammed my own brakes.
There must have been angels involved in this whole scene. Instead of crashing straight into my windshield, Joe’s vehicle landed in the grill of my huge LTD. The sports car’s momentum continued as it somehow veered off my front end and scraped down the driver’s side of my car. It continued further into a fence behind my vehicle, bounced back across the road, and straddled the median.
After I was released from the hospital, able to see again, and could somewhat function, Dad and I visited my 1968 LTD in the City compound. That momentum had been so severe, that it had pushed the V-8 transmission into the front seat and wedged the spare tire deeply into the back of the front seat.
The image above is simply a representation of my car. I think it might be an LTD as well, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I share it to give you an idea how large the old LTDs were back then!
Meeting my Maker
The momentum also turned my steering wheel into an instrument of destruction.
As I was saying, “Bye,” to James, I closed my eyes, gripped the steering wheel tightly, and slammed the brakes. Suddenly there was an explosive sound. I figured I would be meeting my Maker soon. In fact, I did.
There was wind. A great deal of wind. It was blowing all around me. But where was I? Some kind of tunnel? I was alone and no longer in the car. At first I was in pitch darkness. But soon I was able to look around clearly and with both eyes. That should have made a bigger impact on me at the time, but it didn’t. I just … was.
The wind led me into a kaleidoscope of bright flashing colors that danced all around me. Pretty!
Then came the white light. It was so bright! Surely I squinted. And then, I stopped.
Where was I?
I stepped out onto the apron of light that led me to the edge of a colorful meadow. A copse of trees was to my left. A lush meadowland, full of grasses and wildflowers, was directly in front of me. Several feet away and slightly to the right, there was a bump in the meadow. It was something similar to a grass-covered pitcher’s mound, on which was standing the silhouette of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (Yeshua HaMashiach).
There was no wind at all. Not one leaf on any of the trees moved. Not a grass or flower bowed its head.
But there was movement. Birds flew up and toward the distance, away from the trees.
And the robes Yeshua (Jesus) was wearing were flowing.
I recognized Him. Despite not being able to see His face, it was as if I had known Him all along. And then we communicated in the silent language of pure Agape love. I wanted desperately to step off the apron of light and join Him in the meadow. But God did not allow me to move beyond the light. So I just stood there, absorbing His holy love.
A moment later, “No, it’s not your time,” He said. The voice was authoritative but gentle, firm, deep and powerful, but spoken in love. It came from all around. There was no choice but to obey.
I was not pushed, but I found myself unwillingly stepping backward, moving back to the tunnel that had brought me to this place. Then white light turned to dancing bright colors, then wind, surrounded by utter darkness. Then voices. Many hurried, disembodied voices.
The wreck: follow-up
I tried to open my eyes. Pain! I tried to move my head. Pain! I was unable to tell the people who had identified themselves as EMTs that it was the sandbag itself on which my head was resting that was hurting me. (That was a sandbag, wasn’t it?) My left wrist hurt, and it was bleeding. How badly was I cut?
I had no idea my right eye was resting on my broken cheek.
The beautiful, holy intimacy with our Lord was clearly past, as I fought for life with every foul-mouthed word I could think of, some of which I probably made up. The ambulance attendants said that I had gone to Hell and was fighting my way back. I was ashamed to tell them quite the opposite had occurred, but I do believe that Satan was involved in trying to thwart God’s timing.
Two reconstructive surgeries followed. The first was in the ER. The second was a year later. Now 50 years have passed. It’s taken most of that time for me to fully recognize what an amazing gift I was given.
Holy impact
Yes, God is real. And yes, He does love us! Deeply! But He allows us to stumble along until we look to Him and repent from our silly idea that we are the masters of our own destinies. He has made a – a, one! – Way for us to connect with Him and remain connected as sons and daughters for time eternal. That Way cost Him His only begotten Son. The perfect sacrifice that fulfilled all blood sacrifices forever. I’m still learning how to fully respect His gift of love by living my life in a way that pleases Him and honors His Name.
When it is my time, I look forward to stepping off that apron of white light and into His presence. I expect my Savior to no longer be seen in silhouette, but in full color, right along with the meadow, birds, and copse. I know that all cares, all burdens, all guilt, all fears will have to remain on the apron, but that’s fine with me! Because I will remain wrapped in the holy embrace of Agape love. And this time I won’t have to let go.
Invitation
Not everyone needs a life-after-death encounter to be able to experience the holy embrace of Agape love. This is an offer made to all who have “ears to hear.” If you have questions, ask! If you need a moment to take in and process what you just read, take a moment. But when you’re ready, here’s what you do: pray. How? It goes something like this:
Father, You are obviously more amazing than I ever gave you credit for!
You actually want me to be part of Your family!
I don’t understand why You want me, of all people.
After all, for years I’ve thought I was my own god, the master of my own destiny.
But now I realize that You’re God, and I’m not. What I am is a sinner, and what You are is pure and holy!
Yet You say You want me to be in a close personal relationship with You.
I’m humbled. I now know I need saving. And here You are, waiting for me to accept.
So … I do accept, Lord. I decidedly do accept! And I thank You!
Thank You for Jesus’ * sacrifice so I can even be offered salvation!
Thank You for Yeshua’s * sacrifice so I can be accepted!
Now I ask You to please guide, direct, protect, and correct me as I learn how You want me to live.
In Jesus’ (or Yeshua’s) * Name, AMEN!
About the Prayer
This is a prayer you can pray by yourself, wherever you are. You can make the prayer shorter or simpler if you like. But you might find it comforting and useful to pray it in the presence of a Christian or Messianic believer.
* Most Christians use the Anglicized name of Jesus.
* Most Messianic believers use the Hebrew name of Yeshua (Yeshua is the shortened name for Yehoshua). Yeshua HaMaschiach means “Jesus, the Messiah.”
* Yeshua and Jesus are the same person. He answers to either name, so use whichever one you want.
Oh, and once you pray, first, welcome to the family! In fact, if you have received Messiah Jesus as your Savior, please mention you prayed the prayer in the comments, and I’ll welcome you with a reply. (Other believers will probably do so as well!)
Then, as soon as you can, find someone who can teach you the things of God. I’ll be posting an article about what to look for in a healthy, well-balanced, truth-teaching church soon.
Very beautiful, Susan. I thoroughly enjoyed your writing. This is as I always imagined it to be. God Bless you. You are incredibly blessed. Thanks!
Thank you, Adele. You’ve just been added to my list of qualified witnesses attesting to the truth of this experience.
Yes. So true. All receive Jesus and believe in his name we receive power as children of God and not through ancestry or will of the flesh or of human will, but by God. I love that verse. Thank you for your story.